I have just had this story from John Cardy and I thought it was so good I had to share it with you. Here it is in his own words:-

Admittedly we were young at the time, fairly innocent too really and I certainly would not contemplate doing such a thing now – even if I did Marilyn would most certainly forbid it but years ago I did a parachute jump!

We were on holiday in Bulgaria, before the East was liberated and before anyone had caught on to the place being even close to a tourist attraction. Sunshine, empty beaches and a certain innocence. We were spending quite a bit of our time on the beach and I was intrigued by some activity going on nearby. A World War II parachute could be seen high up in the air attached, it seemed, to a racing speedboat. I strained my eyes and, yes, there was a person attached to the parachute. This was intriguing.

Then the rope was released and fell back into the sea, the parachute and its cargo floated gently down, splashed and then bobbed gaily on the surface of the water, waiting for the boat to make the recovery. It was all rather thrilling.

There was not exactly a crowd of enthusiastic takers for this thrilling activity but every now and then another brave soul paid his, or her, money and ascended into the sky. This could be my way of emulating my childhood hero, Icarus – but hopefully without the disastrous consequences. I had to plan this rather carefully, Marilyn would be against it – I was sure of that but I would never have forgiven myself for passing up this opportunity. I had no plan but we spent the next few days just lying on the beach, Marilyn with her Mills & Boon (why she needed to read those when she had me I just couldn’t figure, but there we are!) and me mesmerised by all the aerial activity. The more I watched the safer I realised it was, after all no-one had come to any harm while we were there. I was becoming more and more determined.

“Marilyn”

“Yes John”

“ I reckon if we asked them nicely we could go up in tandem, you know.”

“You must be joking! You must be mad!” she said “there’s no way you’ll get me up there.”

And back she went into her book, I noticed she was about half way through – just about where the juicy bits were, you know when they start holding hands and pecking each other on the cheek. And that’s when I realised how to persuade her.

“Whoar, look at him go” I said “phwoar that’s really good!”

“Yes, John” she said and went back to the start of the paragraph she was reading.

“Looks so easy”

She stopped reading and went patiently silent for a few seconds.

“Yes John”

She re-read the last paragraph.

And so it went on, me burbling my excitement out loud, Marilyn stuck on the same page. I knew if I kept this up I would soon be up in the clouds.

And so I was – it only took half an hour, Marilyn was quite red – was that the sun or pent up frustration? No matter really.

“Oh, go on then” she said “how much is it?”

“Oh, about 5 levs, give or take a few stotinkis” I said, reckoning I could probably keep the change and have a few quiet beers when I went out on my evening bike ride. She handed me a note.

“Oh, thanks Marilyn” and I scampered off in the direction of the parachute.

The man spoke no English, I spoke no Bulgarian. He had no teeth, he was ugly but I was desperate for this new experience so he was totally trustworthy. He proceeded to explain, in rapid, colloquial Bulgarian, about the different guides and buckles. Sign language played a big part, he jabbed a large buckle on the front, pointed up to the sky, shook his head and wagged his finger furiously. He jabbed again, pointed to the sea, nodded enthusiastically and gave me the thumbs up.

“Janbuska, janbuska?” he said.

“Ja, ja” I said, of course I understood – if I undid that buckle I would be free of the parachute and freefalling into the sea, I wasn’t going to do that, was I? Did he think I was an idiot or something?

He then jabbed a buckle near the rope, pointed to the speedboat did a remarkable impression of driving it and taking a sharp turn and showed me how to release it.

“Janbuska, janbuska?” he said.

“Ja, ja” I said, of course I understood – if I undid that buckle the rope would be released and I would parachute gently down, I was to do that when the speedboat did a sharp turn. Now come on, lets get going.

He looked at me, raised two fat, gnarled thumbs and gave me an enquiring look.

Yes, I was ready.

He waved at his fellow entrepreneur in the speedboat who gunned his engine into action, moved forward gently to take up the slack, the parachute was teased skyward and as soon as everything was ready I was told to run towards the sea. I was galloping along, the sea was coming closer and closer but I was not lifting. At this rate all I was going to get was a good ducking. Twenty yards to go and still no lift, ten, five then just as I thought that I was going to get my feet wet I felt the straps go tight and my feet left the sand. I cleared the water by inches and rose up into the air at an alarming speed but, my was this exhilarating! I hoped Marilyn was watching.

I looked down at the speedboat far below and the rope like an arc trailing from me. It was only then that I noticed the knots. “Oh, my goodness (or words to that effect)” I thought “How many times has this rope broken then?” I counted and deduced that the answer to my anxious question was – at least five times. Never mind, I am attached to a parachute after all!

The speedboat turned and the rope went slack, this was my signal to release myself but my anxiety had confused my mind. Which buckle did he say? A mistake now will mean a faster descent that I expected. I took a deep breath, held it and gently released it in that controlled way at which I am so good. I felt my mind relax and reason return, I grabbed the buckle but the rope was so heavy that it was stuck. I heaved at the rope to take in some slack and pulled the release catch again. The rope snaked down towards the sea and I swayed gently in the warm breeze, this was wonderful. Gracefully I descended enjoying every minute until the clear, blue sea was just about 30 feet away, I prepared for a wet landing hoping that the parachute wouldn’t land on top of me. Then I was briefly under the water before bobbing about on the surface held up by my lifejacket. I released the parachute and waited for the boat to fetch me but they already had my money and the parachute was far more important than I was. Carefully they hauled the lines in and then the canopy, folded it all neatly and stowed it away carefully. They then hauled me out of the water and sped me back to the shore.

What an experience!

“Did you see me, did you see me” I asked Marilyn who was deep into her Mills and Boon.

“Oh, sorry,” she said, “I’d got to this really exciting bit and I sort of got lost in the story, so you’ve done it then?”

“Yes, it was really brilliant, I went so high that everyone looked like ants, fantastic, fantastic!”

“Good, I’m glad you enjoyed it,” she said. “Bless” she thought.

And I still had enough change to buy those two beers tonight.

And that’s my story, now I just need to send this off to Bob Evans so he can put it on his website then I can be really famous. I’d like that! Look out, Marilyn is coming!

“What are you doing, John my precious?”

“Just a little story, my lovely.”

“You’re not sending that to Bob Evans are you?”

“I just thought it might improve my image, sort of make me a bit more macho and adventurous. You know.”

“Yes but he’ll read it and change it, you know what he’s like, he teases you mercilessly!”

“No he won’t, he’s not like that.”

“Please don’t press that button, John. You’ll only be sorry. Don’t. DON’T.”

“Too late!”

Of course I didn't change anything! Happy pedalling

Lew Spokes

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