On Monday evening I have a 'phone call, the accent is distinctive and I have no difficulty in recognising the caller's voice - it is none other than Walter, he who stares bears, Nogler. How long is it since we have seen him? Who knows? You see Walter's home at the moment is merely a springboard from which to launch himself to various destinations in his project of completing '50 places you must visit before you die' and '50 things you must do before you die'. By all accounts both lists are almost full of ticks.

He is apparently just home for a week before scooting off to Spain and various other places, not to be seen again until some time in May. Flattering therefore that he should still want to ride with us mere mortals whose normal journeys only take us to such exotic places as Cross Hands, Ammanford, Baglan and the like.

This week's ride is an Away Day, courtesy of Mike Wood, so I forego the enormous pleasure of a shared ride with The Great John Cardy and offer a lift to Walter. He tells me he is concerned about his bike - some difficulty with the rear brake but as he is so seldom at home he has not had the time to get it fixed.

"Will it be ok for the ride?" I ask

"Yes, yes it will be fine" was Walter's reply.

But then, it always is!

We arrive at the start point at Brechfa and several riders are already waiting in the sunshine - this is a promising day! We were 14 in total although during the ride we were, at times also 13 or 15, probably as a result of mass hallucinations.

So that I could take a group shot with me in it for a change I had brought along my larger camera and a tripod so I set everything up, gathered everyone together, pressed the button and ran for my place in the group.

"Ha, ha too late!" they cried before I had even reached them

I went back to the camera and checked the screen. Yes, I was a split second too late so, with arm outstretched in front of the camera and ready for an even quicker sprint I press the button.

"Failed again!" they shouted with a hint of glee but when I looked at the image I was relieved that I had just made it. Thank goodness for that - it wouldn't do to use up all of my energy before the ride even started.

We set off and up the first hill, fourteen colourful riders filling the lane. It was a long hill and there was a good deal of downshifting. It's always comforting to know that you still have a lower gear to engage but in my case the pleasure of that particular downshift was marred somewhat by a harsh clacking sound from my rear wheel, with Colin's help we established that the derailleur was catching on the spokes so from then on I had to avoid bottom gear. Shame really because this was a ride where I was to need it.

About 20 yards further up the hill we come across Martin and some supporters repairing his broken chain - and we had not yet travelled the first mile. And it wasn't that much further before so many of us had noticed the highly audible rubbing noise emanating from Walter's rear wheel and that he appeared to be really struggling that we had to insist that the wheel was looked at.

Despite his protestations we managed to remove him from his bike and discovered that his rear wheel seemed incapable of spinning freely. Clearly this was a major cause of his difficulty. His rear brake was slackened off but there was still a buckle in his back wheel. The adjustment, however, gives Walter a much easier ride.

We ride through quiet lanes, the sun was shining and, even though it is mid February it is warm. By now I have discarded so much clothing that my saddlebag can hold no more.

Nevertheless, dear reader, I am still decent!

We are just 4 miles from our lunch stop and we are waiting for Walter. We resolve to put some pressure in his rear tyre but first we have to apply pressure on Walter to allow us to do so. Eventually he is persuaded and out comes Colin's foot pump.

We reach the main road at Pencader and Mike advises us that it would be safer if we were to ride the last mile in groups of 4 well spaced apart. A sound idea! We soon arrive at The Cross Inn, Llanfihangel ar Arth much to the surprise of the unsuspecting landlady, still 14 hungry and thirsty riders must make a welcome addition to the contents of the till.

The food is most enjoyable and reasonably priced, the ale is real and very welcome. This is where clusters engage in all sorts of conversations and I quietly eavesdrop. By the time I had returned from the bar the two boffins, David Naylor and John Cardy had already started sharing their theories on the relationship of high tides to the phases of the moon and it seemed too difficult for me to understand. They spoke eloquently of tangential curves, ultra primary elliptical passes, hyper-chlorophormic dust disbursements, specular vibratory coefficients and the relative position of the Sea of Tranquillity to Kenfig Pool. All this was being plotted graphically on a spare serviette. Perhaps if I could just acquire that serviette it would help me to understand and, maybe then, I would be on the way to being as knowledgeable as they are. My chance came when the landlady came for the dessert order and whilst they were drooling over the choice of banoffee pie, apple and blackberry tart and sundry trifles my hand slowly crept over the table and slid the serviette away from them. It all seemed surprisingly easy.

I studied the diagram, it was very complicated - such a long time since I had tackled mathematical formulae in school - but I must persevere, my need to be as clever as these two is acute. The diagram depicts two spheres, the solid inner one obviously represents the earth whilst the outlined outer one represents the path of the moon. There were notes containing all the phrases I had overheard - tangential curves, ultra primary elliptical passes, hyper-chlorophormic dust disbursements all added together equalled A while the specular vibratory coefficients and the relative position of the Sea of Tranquillity to Kenfig Pool added together equalled B.

The outcome of this impressively informed exchange of cerebral analysis was all brought together in a beautifully simple formula:-

Peak high tide on any particular day on Aberafan beach is equal to the square root of BA

QED

But wait a minute! I have heard that expression before but I heard it as 'the square root of bugger all' - sorry ladies!

I couldn't believe it but I was sure that my suspicions were correct. I looked up and caught them both looking at me, each with a satisfied smile, in perfect harmony they mouthed the words "Revenge is sweet"

I had been caught.

"Full marks," I mouthed back "ten out of ten."

Then the whole table erupted in peals of laughter. It seemed that the pair had secured their place as the stars of this week's story but Walter, who had been favourite up to this point was determined to win back his lost ground.

On reaching the top of the mountain above Gwernogle we saw a stone structure near the trig point, we went to examine and found that it's purpose seemed to be to signify the hope of peace.

But Walter had a master plan and in his mind extended his list to '51 things to do before you die'. He would however need assistance and when the plan was explained there was no shortage of volunteers. One gave him a leg-up and another passed him his bike, There he stood holding his bike but he was not finished yet, up went his right leg and there he was fully astride. The silence was filled with the sound of shutters clicking. Walter wore a broad smile because he knew that he had now secured his place. At the last minute he had pipped the two boffins to the post.

He was, without doubt, the star of the story.

The other star has to be Mike Wood without whom this excellent ride would not have been possible!

Not that we should forget messrs Cardy and Naylor - after all they did score rather a solid victory!

Happy pedalling

Lew Spokes

For the complete Wednesday and Sunday rides programme click on the link at the top of this page, or if that is too much trouble then click here.

Nearly made it!		Perfectly placed!
Hmm, yes I see the problem		Have dumbell spanner, will travel
Patiently waiting (photo - John White)		Still patiently waiting
One half of the bunch (photo - David Naylor)		The other half of the bunch (photo - David Naylor)
Our hero emerges (photo John White)		Drunken posers
Walter gets his leg over (photo - John White)		High as a Kite!