A week or so ago I woke up feeling quite unwell and I won’t go into too much detail of how I felt at the time but the whole episode ended with excruciating pain in my lower left hand side. It was all so bad that I thought a visit to the doctor would be wise, however when the time arrived that I could phone for an appointment everything was fine. It seemed silly to make a fuss, perhaps it was something I ate.

The day continued on its usual merry journey without any recurrence and it passed out of my mind. The following morning however, at about the same time the exact same thing happened again – this time I made that appointment. The doctor prodded and poked and diagnosed a kidney stone – I’d heard about people going to hospital with one of those so I was very pleased when she just gave me a prescription with orders to take two tablets each day for the next three days and to make sure I finished the course. I was happy to comply, anything to avoid going into hospital, I just don’t have time for that sort of thing!

I collected the tablets and headed for home, pressed the first out of its foil and swallowed it leaving a note in a prominent position to remind me of the remaining five. I sat down to read the paper blissfully ignorant of what was to come. Well, it came with a vengeance! I felt ill again, the pain was back and if the first two attacks could be described as excruciating then this time it was off the scale!

However that was it! No further problem but I took the other five tablets when they were due – just in case.

Later in the week I went to see my parents-in-law and related the story. That started the jungle drums and a few days later I had to phone my sister-in-law, Shirley to see when I could call over to take them their Christmas presents. The following exchange took place.

“Oh, hello Rob, how are you, I hear you haven’t been very well.”

“Oh that kidney stone? Yes that wasn’t very nice at all but it seems to be clear now.”

“Passed through has it now?” asked Shirley

“Well, I suppose so.” I said

“Didn’t you hear it?” she asked

“I don’t know” I said “when do you mean/”

“Well,” she said delicately “you should aim for the porcelain and then you should be able to hear the clang!”

I hadn’t thought of that at the time and it seems quite sensible advice, I shall remember for the next occasion. After all that would be an amusing way for it to say goodbye!

Then I thought back to the box containing the tablets and realised that the manufacturers were missing out on a good slogan to back up their wonder pills.

Lose your kidney stone with a bang
Turn your tinkle into a clang!

I must search through the bin now to find that packet so I can write to the manufacturer and present them with this winning verse, I’m sure they will do well out of it. Who knows they might send me a lifetime’s supply free of charge!

Merry Christmas to you all!