Mea Culpa

 

Guilt is a terrible thing, it eats away at your conscience and will not leave you alone. You think you can get away from it but it nags and nags until you eventually accept that there is only one thing to do - confess!

And it has taken ten days but here I am on the brink of revealing how I let my country down when so much was at stake.

Let me explain.

I made the discovery last year whilst watching the Six Nations Rugby series. It seemed appropriate to have a glass of Penderyn whisky by my side so that I could make a toast to the try scorer and subsequently to Leigh Halfpenny when he effortlessly kicked the ball over the bar. This gradually progressed to a sustaining sip during those exciting bursts when our team were careering towards a try. It was then that I realised that that sip of Welsh whisky actually considerably improved the chance of success. I shared my suspicions with Anne who very kindly offered to take part in a more sustained experiment for the remaining matches of last year's series. To our delight it proved, without doubt to be even more consistent when we worked together. What a discovery!

We looked forward to this year's series confident that with our help our team would be invincible, the only problem was that we were otherwise engaged on the afternoon of the first game against England but not to worry there would be sufficient opportunity to repair the damage.

When it came to the England v Ireland match we had to decide which team we should support, a difficult decision but in the end it came down to practicalities - we had some Bushmills in the cupboard but not a drop of English whisky in the house. We used our system during that match and naturally, with our help, Ireland won.

Next we had to beat the Irish to make sure that all three of the main contenders had lost one game each and that would ensure a nailbiting final afternoon. Ireland had been undefeated in their previous ten matches so for Wales to win was a rather tall order. However copious amounts of the magic liquid resulted in a win for Wales.

The final afternoon presented the possibility of the result being decided by points difference and Wales was trailing well behind. This was really asking a lot of our method but we were willing to make the sacrifice.

Wales played their game first and the first half was a bit worrying, half time came and I went into the kitchen to heat up some tomato soup to keep us going, there was just enough time. I was reaching up to the shelf to get the soup cups down from behind the olive oil spray container and horrors! my wrist brushed against it, it crashed onto to work surface and being under pressure exploded showering me, the floor and the work surface with olive oil. The place was a mess and clearly had to be cleaned before the floor turned into a skating rink. I had to go and have a shower and my clothes went into the wash. When we had sorted everything out the second half had started. Not to worry though because the method still works, but to a slightly lesser degree as long as we are watching a recording that is no more than ten minutes behind time. As a result we jointly managed to get Liam Williams, George North and Dan Biggar to boost the score to: Italy 20, Wales 61

But in the end it was Ireland who won with England second. It could have been so different.

Wales lost because of an explosion of olive oil. And I caused that by being clumsy.

So there, I have confessed and I must admit I do feel a little better.

Mea, mea culpa!

Its all true! Now would I tell you a lie, today of all days?

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