There was a time when ladies boasted of shopping expeditions which took them deep into the dark heart of previously unexplored city centres to seek out only the cream of fashionable retail establishments. With a quick touch-up of the war paint outside the sliding doors they strode into the glamour and the glitz with their pristine and polished, chipped and magnetic striped passports-to-wealth waving in the air above their blonde, immaculate hairstyles.

They were the people who made Britain great!

But they’re gone and the retail world is suffering, Britain is suffering!

It probably all started with husbands and their spreadsheets, that clever bit of software that can accurately predict the inevitable approach of financial Armageddon. Their panicking pleas of restraint that once fell on deaf ears have finally touched the spot and little economies have had to be made here and there. Ladies are no longer allowed to take clothes to the charity shops unless they show signs of having been worn, certainly any garment still in the wardrobe and bearing the original price tag is clandestinely checked regularly.

The fun has disappeared.

What on earth has happened? Do we feel insecure in our jobs? There are many things that could make the future look bleak, certainly computerisation has become one worry. There was a time when it made things more efficient and gave a company strength and if the company that we worked for was strong then our jobs were safe. However the pendulum has swung too far and employees are seeing computerisation as a way of cutting jobs.

Or is it just Brexit! (I only ask that because it seems to be accepted as the source of all our worries)

But where is the fun, do ladies miss the fun that once was? It’s clear that they do, but they have found a way round it and they can once again don the war paint and storm the stores whilst at the same time keep their husbands happy. They just have to pretend, certainly they buy - but they only buy a bag. Not just any old bag naturally, it has to have a respectable name on it like Harrods or Gucci.

Yes, they just buy a bag, or two or three, or more.

I have for a long time noticed that the stock images that newspapers use to illustrate the shopping experience consist of nicely turned out ladies striding through crowds carrying empty bags. If you look closely they are obviously empty, the creases are still sharp and there are no bulges. Nor are the ladies straining with the weight of numerous bags in both hands.

But they always look delighted, they are back in shopping mode! And their husbands are happy too!

Check it out. I never tell a lie!